I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
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