Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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