I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
