My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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