i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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