Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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