Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
