D3 body, D1 cock
I cockslap morals
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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