the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
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you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
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Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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