I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
