i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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