Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
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Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
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Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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