IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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