Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
