There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
