And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
