literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
