hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
