I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
