home. puking in laundry basket.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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