and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
