you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
