as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
