you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
And then my night got REAL pukey
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
