He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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