i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
