four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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