Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
