these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
