I feel like I'm in dance class right now
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
