oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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