He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
