just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
