Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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