I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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