I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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