i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
