So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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