Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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