Just fell off a train. Bad.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
