Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I am mentally ready for anal.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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