Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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