There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I got inside last night via doggy door
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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