There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
