i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
