my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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