onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
