I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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