just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
