I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Still dying that you shit outside
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
