Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
false alarm, still single
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