think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
