How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
