I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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