just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
