just come out here and I will go home with you...
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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