...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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