Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
