my mouth tastes like poor choices
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
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Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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