Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
