Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I came so hard my ears popped.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
