I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
